I recently had the privilege of interviewing veteran entrepreneur Kamran Elahian, currently chairman of NeoMagic, PlanetWeb, and Centillium Technology, Guy Kawasaki of Garage.com and Silicon Valley pioneer Bill Hambrecht. All of these gentlemen are successful entrepreneurs and legends in Silicon Valley. All of them have been through numerous ups and downs, but in the end have achieved fame, fortune and excellent reputations.

Through my contact with them, I learned one very important thing that they all had in common. They were all extremely positive people. Always up, always smiling and always in a good mood.

In a different context, I mentioned this to Enable reader Josh Segal, who also happens to work with Kamran at Global Catalyst Ventures. Josh says that almost all of the successful people he knows are the same way, and Josh suggested devoting a column to jokes to enable all of us to remember that we always have to keep everything in the proper perspective and not to take ourselves too seriously. I've decided to take his advice and present some jokes and some joke sites found on the Internet. I hope they help you keep a positive mental attitude now and in the future. Remember, in every business there will be good times and bad. Try to remember to smile during both of them.

Lawyer Jokes

These two guys, George and Harry, set out in a hot air balloon to cross the Atlantic Ocean. After 37 hours in the air, George says "Harry, we better lose some altitude so we can see where we are". Harry lets out some of the hot air in the balloon, and the balloon descends to below the cloud cover. George says, "I still can't tell where we are, lets ask that guy on the ground". So Harry yells down to the man "Hey, could you tell us where we are?". And the man on the ground yells back "You're in a balloon, 100 feet up in the air". George turns to Harry and says "That man must be a lawyer". And Harry says "How can you tell?". George says "Because the advice he gave us is 100% accurate, and totally useless".

That's the end of the joke, but for you people who are still worried about George and Harry - they end up in the drink, and make the front page of the New York Times: "Balloonists Soaked by Lawyer".

Here's another one: A famous lawyer found himself at heaven's gates confronting the Lord. He protested that it was all a mistake: he was only 49 and far too young to be dead.
"That's odd," said the Lord, "according to the hours you've billed you're 119 years old."

Check out more lawyer jokes at:

Accountant Jokes

A man walking along a road in the countryside comes across a shepherd and a huge flock of sheep. Stopping to rest, he tells the shepherd, "I will bet you $100 against one of your sheep that I can tell you the exact number in this flock."
The shepherd thinks it over. It's a big flock, so he takes the bet. "973," says the man.
The shepherd is astonished, because that is exactly right. The shepherd says "OK, I'm a man of my word, take an animal." The man picks one up and begins to walk away.
"Wait," cries the shepherd, "let me have a chance to get even. Double or nothing that I can guess your exact occupation."
The man agrees.
"You are an accountant for the government," says the shepherd.
"Amazing!" responds the man. "You are exactly right! But tell me, how did you deduce that?"
"Well," says the shepherd, "put down my dog and I'll tell you."

More accounting jokes at:

Programmer Jokes

Did you hear about the Microsoft Windows programmer who died? He found himself in front of a committee that decides whether you go to heaven or hell. The committee told the programmer he had some say in the matter and asked him if he wanted to see heaven and hell before stating his preference. "Sure," he said, so an angel took him to a place with a sunny beach, volleyball, and rock and roll, where everyone was having a great time. "Wow!" he exclaimed. "Heaven is great!" "Wrong," said the angel. "That was hell. Want to see heaven?" "Sure!" So the angel took him to another place. Here a bunch of people were sitting in a park playing bingo and feeding pigeons. "This is heaven?" asked the Windows programmer. "Yup," said the angel. "Then I'll take hell." Instantly he found himself plunged up to his neck in red-hot lava, with the hosts of the damned in torment around him. "Where's the beach? The music? The volleyball?" he screamed frantically to the angel. "That was the demo," she replied as she vanished.

More jokes can be found at:

Coolstuff

Next week we will return to Enable2.0's usual column. Until then, laugh out loud - it will help you stay positive and make your job just a little better.

Published by Israel's Business Arena on June 27, 2000.